Lying About Being Rich To Get A Chick To Sleep With You Could Soon Be Considered An R-Word In New Jersey

NJ.com – Imagine this: A man woos a woman to bed with tales of his riches, fast cars and a vacation home in Monaco. But he actually lives in his mother’s basement. Or this: A seemingly wealthy widow convinces a younger man to sleep with her on the notion that they may marry and he’ll inherit her money. In reality, she’s broke. In both cases, someone lied about his or her status in order to have sex with someone else. Under a bill recently proposed by a south Jersey lawmaker, such actions would not only be considered dishonest. They could prompt charges of rape.

Politics is a funny thing. You’ve got wars going on, unemployment issues, immigration issues, a whole bunch of other shit going on and then here comes an elected state official who decides “You know what? It’s time someone did something to prevent anyone from ever getting laid again”. Girls are deplorable terrible human beings, we’re all well aware of that. Have you ever tried to be completely honest with one you just met before? It’s capital B brutal. You see their eyes glaze over, looking back for her friends to come and save them from the awful situation and end up giving you some bullshit excuse about how they have to leave right after you buy them a $9 drink. So then you’re stuck there with your dick in your hands having to hear your friends tell you over and over again about how no shit that girl would never want to go home with a 5’8″ part-time blogger whose idea of a perfect first date is a trip to Qdoba and spending the rest of the night looking at pictures of Michael Del Zotto’s hair.

So what do you do? You find yourself a nice little spot at the bartop or on a wall where you can get away with standing on your toes a bit to give yourself another inch or two, you tell her you’re a well-respected journalist and you save the Del Zotto talk for another night. More times than not you’re still going home empty handed, but at least your giving yourself a fighting chance out there. But not anymore in New Jersey. No Sir Ree Bob. You pull a little stunt like that at the Jersey shore this next summer and you’ll be facing down some serious charges of rape by fraud. Stick a fork in me now.